You Can Have It All....

....But Not All At Once.

A few months back I went out to California to visit a friend. While I was out there I attended one of her weekly study circles with some great people. I don't recall much of the topics that were discussed but one in particular stuck with me.

It wasn't part of the planned topic(s), it was an after talk. It was a talk about daily life (school, careers, marriage, kids, etc.). As the discussion went around the room, expressions of frustration or exhaustion began to surface. Then one lady mentioned a news anchor (I can’t recall her name) and how she manages to balance a career, a good marital standing, children, and still save face all at once.

This was defined as "having it all". But even this anchor lady had admitted that it’s not easy and very few can manage to do it in their life time. The room grew silent as if all of these ladies were giving up on their hopes and dreams knowing that even for the "super" human this concept was hard to attain.

I guess there is no such thing as having it all....

....wait, yes there is but it needs to be redefined.

You can have it all but not all at once and that's ok.

First, a person has to know what their definition of having it all is. The concept of having it all is not a limited or a rigid concept defined by one person that we must follow. Rather it's a definition that we make based on what we want our accomplishments to be in this life. For example, one person’s definition of having it all is raising great children while another could be becoming the CEO of a company. Whatever it is, know it before going after it.

Second, you must prioritize. Once you define the goals and you began to accomplish them understand that those goals might overlap and you will have to choose some over the others. Choose what is more important to you or find alternatives of juggling them without overwhelming yourself. We sometimes get bogged down from multitasking on a daily basis. So imagine if you are doing it all the time. It's exhausting and you will be burnt out, so choose your battles and really think about which goals are more important to you. Having a plan is key. In my case, family trumps career but that doesn’t mean I want to fully stop my career goals, it will just be second as a priority and there are a lot of opportunity for growth even when you aren't pursuing your career full throttle.

Third, take advantage of ALL opportunities that will open doors for your goals. You will recognize them but be hesitant to embrace them. Believe me, even the small things matter. You have to be a go-getter and accept challenges along with defeat to get where you want. Remember you can compromise without compromising your beliefs and values.

Fourth, make sure the people in your life are a support system. Having people that support you through thick and thin is what will get you through it all. They should be the ones that believe in your abilities, can recognize your limits, help you embrace your fears, and comfort you when you have a setback. Find them, they are somewhere in your life and make sure you let them know you are grateful for having them. And on that note, eliminate or limit your interactions with the ones that bring you down. If they cause trouble the first time around, chances are they will always cause problems.

Fifth and last, understand you are going through stages in your life. School doesn’t last forever (or it might), your career will not be the same ten years from now, your children will grow up and  move on, and your health will need more care in the future. Choose your opportunities during the appropriate times. Every moment is different so don’t lose out on the important ones that might have you regretful later on.

Someday you will look back and say, "Yes, I did travel, I raised a great family, I had a good career, etc". And even though they weren't all done at once, they were still accomplished. Everything has its time and place and they didn't necessarily have to happen all at once.

Live your life at your own pace and don't forget to enjoy it!


Till next time.....

Your Perception Is....

...Your Reality.

Take a look at the picture. At first glance you would think that the actual camels are the dark images but in reality those are the shadows. Someone commented on this photo and said that sometimes our problems aren't as big as we may think they are. Well guess what?! They are 100% correct.

But it isn't the events that are taking place in our lives that seem to be the problem. No. It's our perception.

Believe it or not we control how big and dramatic or small and insignificant a decision in our life can be. I can almost guarantee that all of you know that person who, no matter what event is going on in their life (even a paper cut), are always overly-dramatic and emotional. The one who spends days upon days wondering why me? Why this or that? And we might also know someone who is the opposite. You know the one who is unfazed by all of the chaotic events that go on around them. They simply handle their affairs and continue living.

This is called perception and it is controlled by the way we allow ourselves to view our own lives. When we are hit with a dilemma we have two options; either sink to the bottom and allow our problems to consume us or we can rise to the occasion and conquer our own emotions. Yes, our surrounding environment can easily capitalize on our fears and influence our decisions but realize in the end, we are in control of our beliefs, our perception. This doesn’t mean we should ignore the reality of situations, it just means that our perception will define how we will handle our affairs.

Control the events that occur in your life by changing your perception. How? Resize the events; celebrate your little victories because they will build up to something great someday and downsize your problems because in a year or so they will be so far gone you won’t even remember what they were. You create your own perception, so however you want to live your reality let your perception define it.


Till next time....

Who Is Your Role-Model?

For as far as I can remember, I have been told to draw inspiration from people I perceive as "role-models". I have asked myself time and again what constitutes or qualifies a person as a role model? Most people will tell you that the answer is "someone who has it all, and then some". I was set, but for my short-lived life this task has not been easy. Actually it is exhausting, often times disappointing. I have searched, high and low, and still am for that "role-model" to look up to. But the more I learn about this life, the more my perspective changes about the definition of a "role-model".

You see, it's not that "role-models" dont exist, they do and everywhere actually. But we forget a small detail about role-models; they are human and humans are prone to fault, err. Another detail we often attach to the term "role-model" is well-rounded; "Someone who has it ALL". This is where finding the "role-model" of inspiration proves to be exhausting.

Earlier in life, I decided that if I mirrored successful "role-models" then my life would go accordingly. So what did I do? I started picking and choosing different people that seemed to be generally content with their life's direction. For life, family, friends, love, career, outreach, etc. I chose a "role-model" for it.

That was the first step. The second step was knowing the details; this was a painful disappointment. The life lessons left more doubts than reassurance of any type.

We see the big beautiful portraits but we know nothing about the intricate details that make them up. Through my journey I learned that life goals are best reached through understanding those details. More on the why and how rather than on the what, where, and when. Those details are the driving inspiration in people that made them appear as "role-models" in the first place.

So my perspective was changed and continues to expand. Instead of labeling people as my "role-models", I began to label their inspiring actions as the real "role-model". I began to see through people and look at the goodness because we are all full of flaws. No one is perfect and if you go looking for them you are bound to find those flaws. But why waste your time on the bad when there is the good? You may not like someone but you might admire an aspect or a trait of theirs. That's ok, take that aspect as your inspiration and leave the rest. Set it as your "role-model" rather than the individual as a whole. When you began to do this you will see more goodness in people and less of the bad.

As for me, if you were to ask who my role-models are? I would have to say:
The people who forgive easily, care deeply, and love unconditionally. The ones the pick themselves up and march forward. The ones that learn with every experience and never tire of working for the greater good. The ones that simply smile because its another day, another beginning. The ones that are thankful for every gift, blessing, and trial.

The list can go on forever really. This perspective though diminishes faults and capitalize on our good aspects. Use it often and the world will become a better place.

Till next time.....

Don't Turn Back....

.....Ever!!!

Dear Future-Self:

I know that you think you might not turn back to this decision again or second-guess yourself thinking maybe you made a bad choice. But let me tell you, it's not. Yeah, yeah you don't want to take my advice because "You already know better" but trust me you will be thankful that you have this when you randomly have amnesia in a month or so and think "Oh but it was so great why did I not embrace it?"

As your Present-Self I will tell you why! Remember all those great memories that that source brought to your life? Pretty great huh? Well now remember the agony.....

Remember the uncertainty, remember the person you have become when it was in your life. Hateful? Cynical? Beyond Sarcastic? Ring a bell?

Remember the constant arguments of right and wrong, remember the fact you had to keep looking over your shoulder every second, remember sleepless nights? Goodness, I love my sleep and it took it away from me!

But most importantly remember not having a peace of mind...ever. There was good but the bad outweighed it. You are breathing easier now, smiling a lot more, and you have a sound heart. So please don't second guess your decisions. Keep looking ahead, you did the right thing, and reaping the benefits as I speak.

Sincerely,
Your Present-Self

Tip: When you leave something write yourself a letter while the elements of that decision are still fresh. So when you try to go back to it again in the future you can remind yourself of how it really was and not what picture you are painting at the moment. You are in a better place now so don't second-guess yourself.

There is a reason people stumble and fall when they walk backwards...the trail is ahead and your feet are designed to move forward.

Till Next Time.....

There is a Difference.....

Robert Burns "You Learn" Poem starts off like this: "After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul...."

Although Mr Burn's poem refers to how at one point we all realize that we must build ourselves and not wait for someone else to do so, I find another meaning.

His poem is intriguing actually because it makes you realize how we often become dependable on others to "fix" or "solve" our problems. The growing pains of growing up are very real; I know because I am living it. I can recall many times where I am faced with difficult problems and all I wanted was someone to tell me what to do or make a decision for me. Luckily, I am surrounded with people who refuse to take that role. That might have sounded sarcastic but it's true.

Mr. Burns ends the poem with "So you plant your garden and decorate your own soul, Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers...."

Though painful and confusing at times, "decorating" ones soul is the most rewarding experience for any of us. It's because we learn without influence and know that our decisions came from within us. Now I am not saying to discard sound advice from people around you. Quite the opposite. But instead of taking that advice as "it's what you should do", take it as a piece of information to weighing your options and don't forget that there IS two sides to everything so look for it.

Im just going to end by saying that you will be disappointed if you keep relying on people to carry you through life. The people in your life are there for support, unconditional love, and sometimes just a lesson; Take them as that and nothing more. They are there to "hold your hand" so let them do it to the best of their ability. Don't chain them, don't expect them to be your savior, and don't hold them to a standard you cant fulfill yourself.  Just appreciate their presence and support, because you are lucky that they are there in the first place.

Till next time.....

It Doesnt Make Sense....

....Now, But It Will Eventually.

We have all been there, you know that moment where you are about to make an important decision. At that time and place it seems right, well-rounded, perfect. You can even glimpse into the future and envision the joy that this single decision will reap.

Yep, it makes perfect sense and it even feels right. So you put your heart and soul into it trying to make it happen. You are convinced that there is so much good in making this decision that even if there was some bad outcomes, they are minimal.

So you get ready to make this is decision and then something else intercepts. Suddenly your entire life path has been altered, shifted into a different direction. The unknown. In that moment everything changes and nothing makes sense.

Frustration abounds and you catch yourself wondering why didn't this decision happen, why?!

This is where most of us stop, we dwell so much on the why that we don't look for the wisdom behind the shift.

We humans are creatures of finite knowledge. We can't tell the future nor do we always know what is best for us. We are logical; we use steps to define how a decision will unfold in the future often ignoring the bumps in the road. Decisions based on logic are good but not all logical reasonings are sensible. On these basis we shouldn't get stuck on the "why" but have faith that the alteration in our path is for the best.

Embrace your new path and let the past go. You might not see the benefits now or soon but eventually they will manifest themselves.

Till next time....

Take It Back....

....Your self-worth!

No one has the right to define your self-worth. Who are they anyway? And what validates their standards for generalizability? We are not displays for society to take free stabs nor is it acceptable to allow such actions.

Allowing others to define what you are worth is the ultimate defeat; you began to live within those standards. Sooner or later you will realize you can't live up to them and therefore, you are not "good enough".

But who's to say what is "good enough"? Let's face it, there is no such thing. There are measures of difference but not measures of good enough. And this "good enough" perception can only consume you if you let it.

Let's flip this perception and think of it this way: if you dont fit someones belief, value, way of life or standards then you are of a different mold. That's fine, you differ on those grounds. You are measuring differently but in a lateral not a vertical scale.

Don't give into the worthiness of this world, materialism is temporary, your soul is eternal. Feed, nurture and embrace who you are, your soul. Afterall, it is the only thing you should be measuring yourself to.

Till next time....

Do You Know You?

At this point in our lives, most of us have gone through an interview where we are asked about our strengths and weaknesses. And like most of us that question leads up to a blank stare and a self-realization with "I don't know!" What's even ironic is that most of us, when critiqued by others (who actually observe our actions and character), deny their conclusion of us. Mainly because, we don't like what we hear.

This is a growing problem in today's society. We don't know who we are because we are too busy trying to fit in with the crowd or keep up with is it the Kardashians now? Most people when they introduce themselves to others they try to find a common interest and for some reason that common interest becomes that persons entire character. I have had too many introductory conversations that ended abruptly/awkwardly because we couldn't get past the mundane interest of what our favorite color or food. C'mon people, what happened to knowing someone? Has it gotten that bad where we can't express our individuality and not fear acceptance or rejection?

We are so busy trying to look like each other we lost ourselves. We don't know who we are or what we want anymore. We enter relationships and form bonds that are short-lived because they were founded on something shallow with no substance. If you are not comfortable being by yourself and most importantly knowing yourself, how do you expect to be with someone else (in any type of relationship really)? 

The best advice I have ever received was take time to yourself and have a conversation. Know you. Trust me it goes along way and saves a lot of time. Be your own critic for once and build your character, so the next time someone asks you "So what's your story?" You can actually answer with more than "I like the color green" and "I eat spaghetti often".

Till next time....

Picking up...

It's so hard to pick up or follow through with something, including this blog. I have restarted this blog several times now and this time I am hoping to keep it up. It's been almost a year since I last blogged but it has definitely been a rough year. I don't think I can began to count how many ways I have slipped, tripped, fell, got up and did it all over again. But there is a lot to be said about a man who has practically been to hell and back several time in their lifetime and yet gets up, dusts off, and keeps marching ahead.

I haven't lived long, not even a quarter of century yet but the experiences and trials I have endured have molded my character to a somewhat ancient soul living in a youths body. Sometimes I wonder how I came out of certain situations but I have and frankly, I must have one good memory blockage. Or perhaps my memory filter decided to hang onto the good times only hoping to reserve my innocence long enough before I realize that this world is nowhere near perfect. Whatever may be the case, I am still here, surviving and still believing in the goodness that can potentially exist. After all, that is my secret to picking up and moving forward.

Till next time....